I'm Fine...

My doctor gave me the all clear yesterday. I can do whatever I "feel like" doing! Today, I feel like wearing my pajamas, reading a good book, and eating a whole bag of Cadberry Milk Chocolate eggs (you know the ones I mean). What actually happened is that I got dressed, got my garden ready, burned weeds (no dad, no sirens), and planted lettuce, peas and spinach, (YUM!), then I helped Morgan put up the "pitch back for Brock", had tractor envy (my neighbor has a tractor and I saw him driving it, dad I am so coming to Ferron), and played Star Wars with Jaxon, then I baked cookies and am now hiding in the basement reading blogs and writing this random thought. Tomorrow I may feel like...??? Wearing blue eye-shadow and leg warmers... :) I have to say that it is nice to have the go ahead to just do whatever I feel like. However, it does seem a little strange to have someone tell you that you are fine, when there are moments when I wonder if I will ever be fine again. But, it is a blessing to know that after those moments come more moments, and lots of them, when you just know how blessed you are to hear those little feet running across the floor, to find that lost toy again, to be doing one more load of laundry, cooking one more meal, reading one more story, welcoming someone home from work or school or a play date, holding one more hand, kissing one more owie (there are times when made up words are hard to spell), watching one more ballgame, and singing heads, shoulders, knees and toes just one more time. And now to the reason for this random blog: I am just so thankful for the moments of clarity that I have had these last couple of weeks, for the eternal perspective that I have been given and for the understanding that I have that someday...whether near or far...I will be fine.

Perfect...

I am not sure that this is a story I can tell, so I will be brief. I just want to say thank you for the love and support that have come to us the last few days. As I blogged the last two entries (Disneyland and the Oompas) it seems like a lifetime ago that they all happened. And truley it has been a lifetime ago, because as of March 6, 2009 my life has changed forever. We will have a hole in our family that cannot be filled, but we know that the Lord has a plan for our family. I am so thankful for eternal families and for the plan of salvation. I have gained a stronger testimony of those things and have felt the love of our Savior in these hard days. As I think of what a blessing it is to be the mother of a "perfect" spirit I am humbled and hope that I can be the kind of mother and woman that I need to be so that I can raise her some day. As I held her and was told by doctors and radiologists that she was perfect, that there was not an explanation that the world could give, I knew and know that she was meant for us and that as hard as this experience is, it is part of the plan for us.

There is a Kenneth Cope song about Tiny hands and feet and hoping that earth can be pure enough for these tiny hands and feet to live with us so we can have our babies back. As I held her and loved her I was overwhelmed by these tiny toes. They were PERFECT!

I am so thankful that I chose to spend my life and my eternity with a man who is so large in spirit. When my RS president came to check on me today she asked what I needed and when I said we would be fine she commented that of course we would because I have Morgan. It is true. I will be okay because I have Morgan and these beautiful children to help me through the hard days. Thanks again for your love.

Disneyland, The Happiest Place on Earth!

We visited Jana and Joe and their family for the blessing of Kellen and decided that since we were half-way there we might as well go to Disneyland. We got a screamin' deal (and we all know that is the most important thing when traveling with me) and actually had a very nearly perfect vacation. We talked about leaving Avery home with Nanny, but decided to take her, and boy was I glad, I needed a buddy while waiting for the fam on so many rides and she ended up being the perfect companion.

We hit the ground running. We arrived at 8:45 a.m. to find out that the park didn't open until 10:00. We were actually not even the first car in the parking garage, but we were in the first 20. Morgan and Shelby jumped out and ran to get our tickets (we were meeting a friend at 9:00) and the rest of the kids and I waited to park and ride the tram in. We headed right for Pirates, Splash Mountain and the Haunted Mansion. Then on to Indiana Jones and Big Thunder Mountain. Jaxon and Avery and I spotted a few characters and took a ride on the Tom Sawyer Riverboat.

Jaxon loved the paddle wheel and the fact that he could ride three levels up. Do we look scared? I think Halle pulled it off. Our little actress.

We wondered if Avery would be afraid of the characters...she wasn't. It just seemed that I was not fast enough with the camera. She would run in and hug and be out of there before I could even push the button. She also was not into waiting in line. When we saw Pooh bear she ran in hugged, waited in line for approximately 2 seconds and then butted in line to hug again. Sorry kids!

We had a great time in Tomorrow Land, despite the drizzle. We took advantage of the short lines and rode everything. We loved Buzz lightyear and Nemo. Morgan and the big kids loved Space Mountain and Star Tours.

Brock was hilarious on the Autopia cars. He could not get the hang of pushing the pedal and driving at the same time. He had such a lne up of cars behind him. He would go about 10 feet and then stop and then go 10 feet and stop. Finally the nice worker man jumped in to help. When we asked him about his experience he just looked at us and confidently said, I was a good driver.

While some of the more adventurous riders were doing their thing the rest of us took every opportunity to have a snack (yes dad, I know you are proud). Halle couldn't wait to find a spoon to eat her pudding so she just went whole hog.

One of the highlights of the trip had to be the Jedi training session. Both Shelby and Brock got picked to be trained so it was very exciting. So exciting in fact that we came home with two light sabers as souveneirs. I promise those things didn't look so big when we bought them, but after carrying them through the rest of the day, and trying to pack them in the van, and then realizing when we got home that the boys can't even swing them in the house we stand corrected, they are big.

Shelby was a natural. She was very serious about defeating Darth Maul.

I don't think Brock smiled at all until the whole thing was over. He tried so hard and was so into the whole thing. I still wonder if he knew it was all pretend.

We had such a big day, and so much fun that when we went to the Cheesecake Factory on the way back to the Hotel both Avery and Jaxon fell asleep before they even brought out the food and we ended up just taking everything to go and left without cheesecake. Tragic!

We started day 2 at California Adventure. The crowds were so thin that we could get on anything we wanted to, even ride them twice. They loved the River ride and the "fifty foot drop". Jaxon's favorite thing the whole day was the sprinkler park. He would have stayed there all day if everyone would have let him.

Avery and Minnie, what can I say. Avery loves Minnie. She sleeps with 3 different versions of Minnie every night, she can survive 12 hour car rides if Minnie is there, she can even make it through 3 hours of church if she knows Minnie will be there too. I was thrilled that I actually was quick enough to get this shot. Too Cute!

We had such a great time. The kids had so much fun and it was really fun to see the different stages of Disneyland. Shelby and Brock were just old enough to enjoy the adventure and thrill of the rides, Halle and Jaxon were so excited and just overcome with the magic of it all (Halle, while watching the firework show was the only one around laughing, oohing and aaghing and clapping, but she didn't care, she thought it was the best thing ever). Morgan was the best dad ever as he was game for whatever the kids wanted to do and do again. Avery and I were just content to watch the joy and enjoy the moments. What a blessing this trip turned out to be and what a great memory we will have.

Oompa Loompa Finale... Finally

It seemed at times that the play (Willy Wonka Junior and yes, the Junior is important, just ask Halle) would never come, like we would be tied to Payson and the practices 3 times a week forever...but it finally came...and went...and we were actually very thankful to have been a part of it. Halle and Brock loved it! I'm telling you, if you want to boost your children's confidence, put them on a stage...for any reason. No, they didn't have speaking parts, they were not main characters, they may not have even been noticed when they missed the one performance while we were at Disneyland (details to come), but I am telling you, they thought they were the stars of the show. So here are a few pics of the stars at work.

Halle was an Oompa Loompa and a squirrell, we had a neighbor take the pictures and he said that finding Halle in the squirrell costume was like trying to pick out one Samoan at a Luau...pretty funny. Anyway, she was definitely the cutest one if you ask us. She loved to watch the play going on around her, so she was not always where she was supposed to be, but was never worried when she realized she had missed an entry or exit.

Brock was a candy kid (which means he got to eat and hold a lot of candy) and also an Oompa Loompa. He was a ROCK STAR at the dancing. For someone with a lot of musical ability I am not sure where he got his dancability, but it was too funny! You could see him counting every beat and remembering each step in order. He took his part very seriously and had a great time.

In the end, we have to say that it was all worth it. They had a great experience and in the end really needed the distraction of the whole thing. Thanks Willy Wonka!

Avery, what a gal!

Avery is growing so very quickly. We sent her to nursery ( a month early I might add, being the Primary Pres. has its perks ;)) and no she does not miss us or cry when we send her. She is so sassy! She is definitely determined and knows just what she wants. Today when she woke up from her nap she immediately got Minnie and her blanket and dragged me to the rocking chair where she proceeded to tell me to sit down and read her and Minnie a book. (She does all of this without actually talking. She has all 6 of us wrapped around her little finger so why talk? She does say a couple of words, no, not mommy and daddy, but "treat" and "Do it").

She and Jaxon have become quite the little buddies and a couple of days ago I caught her on video shooting with her gun. It is totally a raspberry, but the cutest thing ever!

She is also quite the trouble maker. We got new stools and she can push them around the house so she uses them to get into quite a bit of trouble. The towel cupboard has been emptied onto the floor more than once and this is the day she discovered the game closet. Uh oh is right! She so knows she is being naughty, she just can't help it (at least that is what she tells me with those big blue eyes).

There are times when I wonder just what I will do with this little angel. She mauls me all day long and demands a lot of attention. But, she has turned out to be quite a little helper. She cleans up after herself and her siblings better than the rest and she is pretty darn cute while doing it (I may be biased, but I don't think so).

What is not cute however is the look that she gives us when we don't do exactly what she wants, exactly when she wants. I call it her da^$$@ face! And she means it! You gotta love her!