I am not sure that this is a story I can tell, so I will be brief. I just want to say thank you for the love and support that have come to us the last few days. As I blogged the last two entries (Disneyland and the Oompas) it seems like a lifetime ago that they all happened. And truley it has been a lifetime ago, because as of March 6, 2009 my life has changed forever.
We will have a hole in our family that cannot be filled, but we know that the Lord has a plan for our family. I am so thankful for eternal families and for the plan of salvation. I have gained a stronger testimony of those things and have felt the love of our Savior in these hard days. As I think of what a blessing it is to be the mother of a "perfect" spirit I am humbled and hope that I can be the kind of mother and woman that I need to be so that I can raise her some day. As I held her and was told by doctors and radiologists that she was perfect, that there was not an explanation that the world could give, I knew and know that she was meant for us and that as hard as this experience is, it is part of the plan for us.
There is a Kenneth Cope song about Tiny hands and feet and hoping that earth can be pure enough for these tiny hands and feet to live with us so we can have our babies back. As I held her and loved her I was overwhelmed by these tiny toes. They were PERFECT!
I am so thankful that I chose to spend my life and my eternity with a man who is so large in spirit. When my RS president came to check on me today she asked what I needed and when I said we would be fine she commented that of course we would because I have Morgan. It is true. I will be okay because I have Morgan and these beautiful children to help me through the hard days. Thanks again for your love.
10 comments:
Those are the most perfect little feet and toes. Thanks for sharing them and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The gospel is amazing and I don't know how anyone can get though trials without it.
Jil- I am bawling like a blubbering idiot! That is my neice and I too can't wait to meet her some day. What an amazing picture of that little angel. What a hard thing that was for you and all of us to go through. Although...I didn't get to personally meet her-you sure did and we have beautiful pictures to prove it. You felt her move and she had that heart beat. Heavenly Father just needed a valiant family to bring her to this world-and THAT is just what you did! Your amazing and we love you Jil! And Morgan and the rest of the Clan!
This sweet little angel has touched each one of us and I know my testimony has been strengthened by her and your story. Jil, I loved talking to you today. Thank you for being such an example to me. You and Morgan are both amazing and I admire you both so much for your strong testimonies and for the way you are handling this trial. Your little Sophie is perfect in every way. Thank you so much for sharing.
Jil- I just don't know what to say but that we love you sooooo much. Those perfect little toes, that is an amazing picture. I know you will be with her again. I love your little Sophie even though I never got to meet her. We are always here for you, no matter what. We are praying for you and the Bulkley clan. All our love! xoxo
Jil--I just stumbled onto your blog. Thanks for sharing your great testimony with us. Our prayers are with you and your family.
Jil and Morgan, you are amazing! Thank you for sharing this story with us! It touched my heart and made me cry. You guys are the best parents and we look up to you very much. I only hope someday I can be half the mother you are jil. Sophie will always always be remembered, what a sweet baby that have blessed all of our lives. We can't wait to meet her someday! Please tell all the kiddos that we sure love them and our thoughts are with you all! Xoxo
Jil and Morgan, we were so sorry to hear about your loss. My mom still has pictures of Ember in the house and she still thinks of her daily. We wish you the best. I'm sure my mom would be happy to talk to you as she went though this about 8 years ago. You are in our prayers.
Jesse and Brooke
Jil and Morgan I just sent you a little note and lost it. I'm going to see if this will post. If so I will try again, If not know we are thinking of you.
Ilene and Brent
Jil and Morgan,
(Morgan we know Jil gets most of the hugs but know you are hurting too).
Our hearts ache with you, we know there is a hole in both your hearts. The Lord will fill it in His time, and His way is always good. You don't really want it filled, because remembering and hurting remind you that your baby is real, she is yours and she is patient in her waiting. She will peek in and out of life sometimes and remind you she is part of the family and not to be forgotten. She will comfort you and even make you smile when you think of her. Time will lesson the pain but not erase it, and that is okay. You don't want to forget.
We love you, ache for you and are praying for all of you.
Love,
Ilene and Brent
Jill and Morgan,
I don't know how I am so disconnected from the rest of the family that I only just now found out about your loss while catching up on your blog. I am so sorry. Like the other Katie Barton :) I'm a bawling and blubbering mess. My heart aches for you as I remember how difficult this exerience is. Losing Ember completely changed me in ways I could never have imagined as I know your experience with Sophie will change you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you all!
Katie
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